3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
