I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
