Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
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