the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
