return my video game
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
