dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
