I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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