I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
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