I feel great
I just peed on a car
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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