Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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