Me too!
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
