while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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