A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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