Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
