Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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