chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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