well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize