He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
her vagine was all disorganized.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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