Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
