allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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