so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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