I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
