I can tuck mytits in my pants
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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