discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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