He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
my poor anus
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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