found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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