Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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