But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
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