Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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