my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
