I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
