even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
