the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
