It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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