If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
