she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.