I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
