We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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