Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
