i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
