i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
