apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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