In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Someone shit on the floor
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
