No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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