I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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