Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
