What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Randomize
