I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
