Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
