Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
