Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
