I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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