the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
