is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
