y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
