You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
