Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
