no, he came in my armpit
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
