My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
