I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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