just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
