I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
