He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
