i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
