My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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