Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
