I murdered the dance floor call the cops
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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