whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
