I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
